I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
