if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
