yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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