So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
