You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
