I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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