In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
