Someone shit on the floor
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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