I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
