I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
