just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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