So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They have beer where we have blood.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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