Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
