So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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