roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
