You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
