this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
