Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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