Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
