they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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