Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
