i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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