My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
