HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
