he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
