Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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