she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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