it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
