My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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