and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was like eating out sand paper
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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