He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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