I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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