So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
