2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
