What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
