Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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