so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
