Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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