Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
