Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
