Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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