I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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