i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
