Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
