I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
