Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I could fuck to npr.
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