He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you will always have a special place in my vag
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
