4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
