So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
