meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
